Super Bowl 50! One of the most exciting times in a sports fan life. This is when all the bandwagoners pick sides and when the die hards show there stuff…Literally. I love when this event comes around because all the sideline chefs really show what they’ve learned all year from tagging and liking photo recipes from Pintrest and the Food Network. Flatscreen televisions are so cheap now, you don’t even have to wait on your tax refund to show up, before you buy one, Whoo Hooo!!! Wont He do it! And of course friends, family and people who you had no idea even knew where you lived are now being entertained by your football antics. With all this going on around you, is it any wonder you need a survival guide of sorts to navigate this wonderful world of sports?
Everyone knows Super Bowl equals party, or at least a get together with five or more people. When putting your list together go over it carefully. Always invite these people first to build the core of the party:
- The Hype Man: He gets the party going even when its just you and him.
- The Feeder: Guaranteed to have food, or at least come in eating, which will result in him wanting to chip in for more.
- The Stats Man: Even though you really don’t care about stats, his enthusiasm will either pump up the crowd or tee them off. Hopefully the latter.
- The “Whats your WiFi Code”Man: This joker will burn up all your unlimited data being glued to the phone; probably trolling Back page for dates, eeww.
- The Gamer: Every party or get together needs one. If things get to slow, break out the cards, when things are dying down, break out the cards.
- The Cheater: He came with the gamer; they roll as one.
- The “I’m Outta Here” Guy: whether his team is winning or losing you can count on him leaving by the second half (he’ll ask what happened and what time everyone left later)
- The “Let’s Get This Money Up” Guy: A needful and must have addition to every function. His sole purpose is to make you feel bad enough to chip in, unless your that final guy below.
- The Mangy Beard Guy: This guy is the leach. He wants everything for free and will never put in or bring anything; plus his beard reminds you of anal hair on a raccoons behind.
This should be self explanatory, but I’ll say it anyway; ALWAYS HAVE THE FOOD BEFORE HAND. Seriously, its Super Bowl Sunday, who wants to wait around for you to say, ” I gotta run to the store right quick” before they can enjoy themselves, especially if The Feeder hasn’t showed up yet. Preparation is key to these things.
If your anything like me, bearded, you most likely hang around other bearded guys as well; or at least guys who are trying to become bearded. Make sure that your beard looks good before, during and after the game. I know its a lazy/semi active Sunday but be aware, your beard should never rest. Make sure that if any foods fall on it that you take care of it ASAP. No one wants to smell hickory smoked chicken wings lingering on your face the next day.
Alright guys, that your Super Bowl 50 do’s and do notsy’s! Blue 22; Blue 22; Omaha! Omaha! Go.